:(

i almost had a heart attack last night. i don't even know how to tell the story. we were in shangri-la makati to have a picture taking for iola by their pretty christmas tree like last year. hans came with us. aj went to the comfort room as hans and i ordered coffee. hans was taking pictures of iola, then i leaned close to her so that i could be included in the next picture. in the blink of an eye, iola bumped her head on the coffee table. it seemed like she reached out to grab something but hit her head instead. it was a loud cry, and i thought it was just like any other bump. but when she raised her head, blood gushed and my heart fell to the ground. it was a laceration, around 1.2 cm, to the lateral epicanthus of her right eye. shang had steristrips and after we applied it we left for medical city because she needed suturing.

i was unbelievably calm while in shangrila but really broke down in the car. we're so familiar with the scene -- restraining a screaming, hurt, confused baby for suturing while parents look on or look away crying and in pain too. and i couldn't believe it was happening to our dearest precious one. the thought naman of sedating her or letting her undergo GA was horrifying too. it was a long ride to medical city, but thank God iola was already calm and the bleeding had stopped.

ophtha's assessment was not different from ours. the materials were made ready right away, but we asked for some time for there were calls to be made. papa wanted a senior resident to do it, i was hoping naman that ate louie could come and do it herself. however, ate louie wanted ophtha to do it and we just negotiated for very fine suture to be used instead. i believe it was the Holy Spirit who inspired me to ask jeeboy to come and bring papa's portable dvd because you know what? God through dora saved the day! iola was unbelievably calm and happy throughout the procedure which took only 15 minutes. she cried only during the anesthesia, but was her usual interactive self the rest of the way! it was so funny and calming and relieving to see her smile and laugh underneath the drape, to hear her count with dora and call out boots and swiper and to almost dance with the dancing trees. the doctors and nurses were amazed and amused. i was so relieved and grateful.

hans was taking pictures before and after, sayang walang during. i can't yet bring myself to look at them so i'm deferring posting them here. there are moments when i'm still depressed yet God's comfort and encouragement would always shine through. i remember how during pastoral prayer a few hours prior, i prayed that God would continue to protect iola. and then it happened. for a moment i was confused and asked why God's protection wasn't there, until aj pointed out that God protected iola's eye, and from worse unimaginable things happening. syempre, you could imagine the lies that the enemy wants me to believe -- negligence, poor parenting, etc etc... but i won't give in, i will not be shaken, i ask God for forgiveness for my failures and for His grace and mercy to cover my inadequacies and faults, and then, by His grace, forget what lies behind and press forward.

writing this to you has helped a lot. thank God for aj's office laptop. our personal laptop crashed by the way. so webcam and headset are still in the box. iola is fine naman and as if nothing happened. there's a bit of swelling but not naman blackeye. aj calls her "pacquiao." please continue to pray for her healing and comfort and sana no scar.

2008 has been a year of testing as ate nona calls it. hope to process this coming new year. hugs.